ROSIE O'DONNELL
February 11, 1998

Transcribed by Cheryl Johnston
Many THANKS! for transcribing!

Rosie: Our next guest is currently at the helm of the starship Voyager. She'll always be Mary Ryan to me. Take a look at this clip from my favorite show ever on TV.

[Clip from Ryan's Hope starts]

Mary: You were the best thing in of my life. And I was a wonderful part of yours. But you have more. You have so far to go.

Jack: Mary.

Mary: Jack stop. Please stop. Let go. Let it ...go. Let go now.

[End clip]

Rosie: He had to let go 'cause she was dead and that was just the ghost of Mary coming back to talk to him because he didn't move on, he couldn't let go. Please welcome Kate Mulgrew.

[Kate enters, audience cheers and applauds, Kate and Rosie hug]

Kate (to audience): Thank you. Thank you.

Kate & Rosie: How are you?

Rosie: Good to see you!

Kate: It's good to see you.

Rosie: Haven't seen you...

Kate: Since October.

Rosie: October? That's right.

Kate: Yup, in New York.

Rosie: In New York.

Kate: May I say something, quickly?

Rosie: You gonna embarrass me?

Kate: I'm going to embarrass you a little bit, but I think it's fitting.

Rosie: Oy-vay.

Kate: Um. It runs counter to the philosophy of this show, but if you'll permit me ladies and gentlemen. Rosie and I attended a fundraiser in October, in New York City, at the Copa Cabana for essentially pediatric aids in Harlem. And I'm glad I went last. (Editor's note: Kate actually meant that she was glad she went first. She says it later in the show.)

Rosie: [Laughs]

Kate: Because Rosie got up, and it was just her presence that was required that brought in a great deal of money and a lot of support. She stood up, and in a moment of profound generosity, summarily saved the lives of about a hundred babies.

Rosie: Oy, oy, oy [Audience is clapping and cheering loudly] Now stop. I don't wanna be... It was everyone there. It was a great night.

Kate: You were brilliant. You were absolutely brilliant.

Rosie: But actually our friend, who I met through you, Nancy Addison, works there at the ICC Center.

Kate: Yeah. She's a good girl.

Rosie: And, uh, Geraldo Rivera was there.

Kate: He was terrific that night as well, but I was so moved by you.

Rosie: Yeah, well, Geraldo was actually-

Kate: He was good, but we're here today.

Rosie: He gave a lot of money up front, and I was next, and what could I do? So I was like "I'll give what he gave." That's that.

Kate: As I said, I was glad I went first Rosie. [Laughing] I'm glad I went first.

Rosie: So it was, it was a wonderful night. It really was.

Kate: That was the first time I had been to the Copa, how about you?

Rosie: No, I had been there before.

Kate: They did a good job.

Rosie: They did. It's nice.

Kate: It was fun.

Rosie: But do you know what I said, when I went up?

Kate: What?

Rosie: I said, 'A lot of people are here for sick kids, not me, I'm here for one reason, and one reason only. Mary Ryan Fenelli.'

Kate: She did.

Rosie: And I held up a xerox copy of the 8x10 you signed for me at the Smith-Haven Mall.

Kate: [laughing]

Rosie: And that's how sick I am. I wouldn't bring the original for fear it might get lost or ruined.

Audience: [laughing]

Kate: Unbelievable.

Rosie: I only brought a xerox copy.

Kate: You're so funny.

Rosie: Yeah, well, you know, I enjoy you.

Kate: You're great.

Rosie: I do. How are the kids?

Kate: The kids are great.

Rosie: You went to Costa Rica, I saw on Tom Snyder.

Kate: Costa Rica was divine.

Rosie: Was it?

Kate: You know the mark of excellent trip, when you get on a plane after two weeks with your boys. I mean we shot the rapids, the Pequari River, we went to the Caribbean side, the Rustafarian community for a week. When those two boys, who are rather sophisticated and I would say, uh, a little precocious, get on that plane and as it's taking off they turn their face from you, and I notice my oldest son, tears were streaming down his cheeks.

Rosie: Aww.

Kate: And I said, 'What is it sweetie?' and he looked at me and he said, 'This moment...only comes once in a lifetime, mom.'

Rosie: How old is he!?

Kate: Thirteen.

Rosie: No way!

Kate: And then I turned my face away.

Rosie: You were like, the whole family, [In a sad voice] 'Oh my god. We love our trip.'

Audience: [Laughing]

Kate: But you know what we have to do with you?

Rosie: What?

Kate: Because watching that clip of Ryan's Hope reminded me of this. We have to convert you...from daytime fiction to science fiction.

Audience: [Cheers and applauds]

Rosie: What do ya got for me? You got converting stuff?

Kate: I have brought a few presents for- oh!

Rosie: What?

Kate: Hiding... [She pulls a Star Trek: Voyager black sweatshirt out of the bag she brought and doesn't let Rosie see]

Rosie: What? Alright. What's that?

Kate: This is your wardrobe.

Rosie: Okay. Listen.

Kate: From now on.

Rosie: I got it.

Kate: You can were it to black tie events, it's perfect. [She gives Rosie the sweatshirt] Star Trek: Voyager.

Rosie: Star Trek: Voyager. That I can do. Captain Janeway.

Kate: Here is your hat. [She hands Rosie a matching Star Trek: Voyager cap]

Rosie: Oh, wait a minute, I gotta open it, I got a big head.

Audience: [Laughing]

Kate: I got lots of chatchkas in here for ya.

Rosie: Okay. Go ahead.

Kate: You can take them home to the kids.

Rosie: Okay.

Kate: But lastly, I won't bore you with most of it. Your theft deterrent!

Rosie: What?

Kate: [She pulls out Captain Janeway doll] Da, da da da!

Audience: [Applauding]

Rosie: Oh! I have my little small one at home.

Kate: Look at all your little things over there!

Rosie: Is it here? Is my little Janeway here?

Kate: Look at all your little dolls! [Laughing]

Rosie: I have the small one, but I love this with your big old ponytail.

Kate: Yeah, she's got a ponytail.

Rosie: That's like a weapon on some dolls.

Rosie & Kate: [Laughing]

[Kate takes doll from Rosie]

Rosie: She's kinda cute!

Kate: Oh, look at those hips! [She sets the doll on Rosie's desk] Are you having fun now?

Rosie: I am having fun. Speaking of hips, who told me you have a personal trainer now?

Kate: I know.

Rosie: Nancy told me you hired a personal-

Kate: I know. It's against the Irish rules, Rosie.

Rosie: What is that about!

Kate: And if I could have possibly avoided it, I would have.

Rosie: What do you mean-

Kate: [Gesturing towards Janeway doll] The spacesuit is a size two! Look at it!

Rosie: [Picks up the doll and looks at it] ...Yeah that's true. And you-

Kate: I don't mean that's the spacesuit that I have to crawl into! [Laughing]

Rosie: No, but are you feeling like you're...you look pretty good. Do you feel like your getting chubby?

Kate: I'm feeling...gravity is having its day.

Rosie: Really?

Kate: Yeah, I don't wanna...it's too boring for words. Because I completely subscribe to your philosophy. And in Hollywood it is totally overdone.

Rosie: Now have you started with the trainer? Or did you-

Kate: Yeah. I had my third session.

Rosie: How's it going?

Kate: I ran two miles today.

Rosie: You did?

Audience: [Applauding]

Rosie: I don't think I could ever. Do you think you could do a marathon? Twenty-six miles?

Kate: I wouldn't want to do a marathon.

Rosie: You wouldn't want to.

Kate: In the time I could run a marathon, I could have three glasses of wine at a dinner party, right?

Audience: [Cheering and applauding]

Rosie: That's probably true! [Laughing] Now we got a clip of you in your size two uniform.

Kate: Oh! What do you...alright.

Rosie: Should we take a look? I've been watching, I haven't seen any bulges. Take a look at right here, Kate Muglrew. Mary Ryan Fenelli.

[Clips from Star Trek: Voyager starts]

B'Elanna Torres: The anti-thoron burst collapsed the signal. I've gotten as much of the message as I'm going to get.

Captain Janeway: Acknowledged. Hail those ships.

Harry Kim: Channel open.

Captain Janeway: This is Captain Janeway. Agree to retreat, and we'll restore the containment field.

Tom Paris: Captain, they're firing!

Commander Chakotay: Their weapons are destabilizing the containment field.

Captain Janeway: This is Janeway, stop firing! You're putting yourselves in great danger.

[Clip ends]

Audience: [Cheering and applauding]

Rosie: It's on Wednesdays. Jackie and James, my best friend from when I was little, Jackie Ellard, and her husband, James. James never misses a show. He has every episode taped.

Kate: Really?

Rosie: Could you say hi James, to him in that camera?

Kate: God bless him. Hello James. You're a dream. [Points to someone off camera] Oh look, there's Danny. Hi.

Rosie: That'll be his Christmas present for the next two years. Who?

Kate: Our still photographer from the set.

Rosie: You know him?

Kate: Yeah.

Rosie: Yeah. Alright. Hi Danny. How are you?

Kate: [laughing]

Rosie: Good to see you. How's the family? Nice? Alright.

Kate: [laughing harder]

Rosie: Nice to have you here. Go on any vacations lately? Go to Costa Rica? Yeah. The kids are fine?

Kate: How do you find it out here?

Rosie: Well, my son's not having it. He's two and a half, and it's not his room, it's not his stuff. He's not into it. But-

Kate: I don't blame him. Do you?

Rosie: You know it's hard. It's been raining all the time.

Kate: I know. Sunny Cal.

Rosie: Yeah. It's not that sunny

Kate: And the other one's sick today?

Rosie: The other one's sick.

Kate: It's an appalling feeling.

Rosie: It is, I'm going home in about three minutes as soon as we say goodbye. [Laughing]

Kate: You're doing a good job. I know your heart is breaking.

Rosie: You know I enjoy you.

Kate: And me you.

Rosie: I always have and I always will. You'll always be my Mary Ryan.

Kate: You're one in a million. You are one in a million.

Rosie: Oh now stop. Will ya?

Kate: An absolute original.

Rosie: Kate Mulgrew ladies and gentlemen. [Points to cap] Watch this show. We'll be right back after this, don't go away. [Points at cap again] Watch this show.

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